Even as a good Protestant girl, I knew a little of St. Ignatius and had participated in some contemplative practices (Lectio Divina, centering payer, and the practice of silence), though not with great regularity. But the practice of the Ignatian Exercises was unknown to me. When the option came up in the midst of the COVID lock-down, my husband was quick to jump on joining in. So, we did.
I had thought I would deepen the contemplative aspects of my life of faith. But I found the process different than I had anticipated. I found a discipline of mind, heart, and time, that allowed me to listen to the Word of God in a deeper and more intimate way. I found gentle encouragement from our retreat leaders to follow the Spirit’s leading. I found an amazing community, wherein each was individually engaged, but ready to share their experiences of soul-growth, and, as well, to listen to and hold my wounds and joys.
Being called to meditate, pray over, and absorb a passage in a more receptive and imaginative way opened pathways of self-knowledge, deeper intimacy with the Lord, and, for each of us, seemed to bring to light some long-buried wounds for healing. Part of the practice is to entertain and listen for the “invitation:” what is God calling you to, whether by habit, feeling, or action. So often, in group or personal Bible study situations, we all tend to approach from a purely intellectual position, and lessons learned are painted in broad strokes. In the Ignatian Exercises, I found that the practice of harkening to an invitation has enabled me to be a better listener for the quiet voice of the Spirit.
We spent a significant amount of time and attention on the end of Jesus’ journey—the Passover, arrest, trials, crucifixion. Encouraged to engage with the passages imaginatively, I found the voice of a boy who attached himself to the group. I wrote from his perspective about a Jesus who laughed and joked with his companions and who spoke in a way that made sense to one who had so little. And I was able to witness from the sidelines the astounding compassion of one who spoke to and for the voiceless, and the panic, pain, and confusion at his arrest for those who loved and followed him.
Likewise, I have discovered much depth to Mary. She may have been a compliant young woman, but I found an assertive, active, and substantial woman in her maturity. The depth of her commitment to her son, and Messiah, and the pain she carried, always, has ministered to me greatly.
We all know that to practice a thing, music, art, physical exercise, will change you, make you better at that which you love. The experience of Ignatian Exercises has guided me in practicing what I love most, from a different and unique approach.
Claudia Jordan-Koch is a retired pediatric RN who has worked in youth ministry, remains active in her church, study of the Word, and plays with images in collage, printmaking, books, and journaling.